Untitled 10

Delectable pieces of your memory
visiting me on my dreams
We play hide and seek
and I can clearly hear you speak
There I always try to explain
why you were gone
what's with all the pain
It seems I have never
really accepted the fact
Never got into any closure
never got the courage to act

With your passing I wasn't devastated
But I felt alone in the world
floating, without motivation, isolated
For some time your voice
lingered in my ears
spiritual bond intact
helping me cross a river of fears
Still I distanced myself from you
weeks before you went away
in every way I withdrew
Pride, ego, emotions held sway

And now I realized
how I left you alone in the dark
now I remember exactly
how I extinguished the spark

But still all good feelings
points me back to that place
Where the rain just ceased to fall
and the cold night, garden by the mall
where we are together
walking by the dampen grass
that grew small, sharp and slender
sharing war stories
and what to avoid as a teenage boy
lectures on how to live fully
rebukes on things I did wrongly

All that is stuck in my head
no matter how I boast control
an invisible burden
that I don't remember most of the time
but it's there I swear
reminding me of some innocent crime
But all I really want to say
is that I miss you Tito Ray
and hope someday I'll find a way
to thank you for everything
and share all that's been happening
But then for the time being
we'll let the images display
happy memories to stay

Fow now it's too late
to linger with self loathing and hate
Got to work with problems
that I have to deal each day
Still everything will be OK
exactly how you describe
our lives are to be played
exactly how you taught me
our hopes and dreams do betray
even if they do come true someday

So I think I'll just see you
right thee on the other side
I see you content and smiling
watching the heavenly tides
that time when it's my turn to walk
but for now I'll just move on
living my life like everybody else
just the way you wanted me to

Because back then you knew
that I can actually do great things
as long as I respect reason
as long as I go easy on myself
as long as I stay true
back then you knew
which is very typical of you
that life won't be easy at all
until one's end is due
like how it was done to you
hidden from plain view
but nothing too absurd
nothing looked blurred
kinda hard to fill the shoe
of someone as loving as you